It didn't work out with Bree and I am very disappointed. I knew for a long time that she liked me. She had said something a long time ago to one of my guy friends, Nick or Darren along the lines of "Why is he dating Jasmine when he thinks she's so vanilla, he should be dating me". I saw a note she had left for me at my camp at Burning Man about how she wanted to spend some time in the cuddle puddle together. I thought she was attractive, but I didn't know if I liked her. Nick and Melissa both had said that she was toxic, a narcissist, and "fuckin' crazy". I think I decided that I did like her after we had went on our trip to San Francisco together. I would like to think that when we stayed at Leif's house in Berkeley, I didn't sleep in the same bed with her because I wanted to keep things pure between us till I was no longer with Jasmine, but the truth is that I just wasn't getting the vibe from her. She had told me later that she was surprised that I hadn't come in, that she had been expecting me and stayed up waiting. She thought that maybe I didn't feel the same way and the next night after San Francisco decompression, she told me to sleep on the air mattress that I had blown up. I thought this was perhaps another type of rejection. I was pretty fucked up that day and think I definitely would have gotten all types of handsy had she let me stay on the couch with her. It wasn't big enough for the two of us anyway. I got an earful from Jasmine the day after I had gotten back. Bree did laundry and passed out for a little while on my bed, Alejandro, who is Jasmine's ex-boyfriend who she set up on a blind date with my roommate Sarah and they're dating now, saw this and reported it to her. I was a little pist off about a pinche rata columbiano en la casa, but I realized immediately that he was being a good friend to her, and never said anything to him about it. I spent a lot of time with Bree after that. I helped her move things from her storage unit into her mom's basement or into the basement of this dude's house who used to follow the Grateful Dead with her mother. It was to become a studio where she could work on her sewing projects. I would come over sometimes and press buttons or go through magazines and punch out images for them while she sewed. We didn't talk much then, just kinda worked and listened to a podcast she had saved of English dub-step (which, honestly, I kinda hated. I wish she would have rocked out to something different, but whatevs). It should be noted here that I broke up with Jasmine. Bree had little to do with it, perhaps maybe nothing at all, but I do have a history of not jumping ship till I have another boat on the horizon. I spent an evening at Bree's house and just felt the spark. The wiggliness. Electricity. She perked her head up one point and reminded me totally of the squirrel in The Sword in the Stone who chases Arthur all around the tree. I moved in and we had a wonderful makeout session. I got past second base. It was lovely. I spent the night on the couch. I should note here that this is at her mother's house where she lives. Her mother had a stroke awhile back and has limited motion on her left side. Apparently, this also dampens her sensors of what is appropriate to say and she is a little edgy sometimes. Bree is like her very much. I can see her mom getting incredibly angry sometimes, but then it just passes right away. Bree is the same. Bree was her official care-taker for a long time and getting paid for it as well, but she gave that job up because...because I don't really understand why. I guess her mom could really press her buttons sometimes and would act more helpless than she really was and Bree couldn't stand it, so she relegated the responsibility to someone else, but she still helps out alot. The next day we went on a walk to Idlewild and kissed in the sunshine and it was great. Everything was new and great. I love that point in the beginning of a new romance where no one has made any mistakes yet and it's all so perfect. Things kind of continued like this. She would come over and we'd eat together all the time, watch movies on the couch at her house or mine. She finally spent the night the day before I left to go ride dolphins in California with my best friend, his sister and her husband.
Then the shit show transpired at Zombie Crawl while I was away. I need to back up here a little bit and say that she and my very recent ex-girlfriend Jasmine were "friends". Jasmine had contracted a fur coat for Bree to make before Burning Man. She would go over to Bree's house when Bree was living with Melissa and Nick and get measured and later we worked on matching fur leggings and they had hung out at various gatherings. They weren't best buddies or anything, but maybe they could have been someday. Jasmine had texted Bree saying that my intentions weren't just friendly, though Bree knew this already. So it was quite a blow when they saw each other at the Zombie crawl and Bree said some fucked up shit to her. Jasmine had known that we were hanging out all the time, Alejandro and Sarah told her. Bree told me that she had confided in Sarah and that she had pretty much told everything to Jasmine. Bree said to Jasmine something like "I don't know what universe your living in, but we're not friends. You only call me when you need something, and you never ask how I'm doing or anything like that". To which Jasmine pushed her against a wall and ran off crying after saying something back. Things never got better between Bree and I after that. We never made out again, though I thought for a second that things had gotten a little better. We went to Sacramento decomp together and I thought we would sleep (and when I say "sleep" I mean sleep, but hey if something more happens, then so much the better) together in the same tent on the same mattress pad that she brought. She iterated tonight, that she wasn't comfortable with that and so she ended up staying awake all night partying instead of coming and cuddling with me. She tried to explain why this was to me, but I didn't and don't get it. She was saying something about my friends asking what was going on, where was she going to sleep, and she wanted it to be obvious that we were together and somehow I didn't do the things to make that apparent, so she didn't feel comfortable. I still don't understand. I think that she overcomplicated it somehow and I really wanted it to get back to the visceral, basic, primal...littlekidwritingonanote"Ilikeyou,doyoulikeme?" stage, and she was so wrapped in her head that she couldn't. When we were arguing she kept telling me that I didn't get it. She's right. She was doing all kinds of mental girl gymnastics and verbal wrap-arounds. I see now that I fell into a lot of traps. She accused me of things that make me think she was doing them because she brought them up. Like when I finally arrived that it wasn't going to work, that I couldn't do or say anything to make it better (and frankly, her lack of affection made it a lot easier to arrive at that conclusion) I told her that I needed to get my skateboard out of the car. She said "That makes me think that you are just not going to blah blah blah" But she had texted me earlier asking for a stack of movies at my house, the final "getallmyshitbeforewebreakup" task. She told me that I didn't have to jump through a bunch of hoops to try and make it work, that I was doing it just for show and that it didn't really mean anything...but her saying that makes me think that that's exactly what she was doing.
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